Chapter 4

       Having dumped the sweatshirts off at his friends, Austin went home and started packing.  He pressed the page button for his portable phone which was never in the charger and therefore rarely charged.  The beeping came from somewhere in the vicinity of his bathroom. Considering the size of his North Hollywood apartment that wasn’t too far.
       Austin pulled the phone out from under a pair of his roommates boxers on the floor and returned to his bedroom.  He had decided that it was time to bite the bullet and accept the position.  That is if it is still available.
       Pulling the number up on his Palm Pilot, Austin dialed Dr. James Bader’s office.  Before it even rang though, Austin hung up.  His heart was racing.  He almost felt dizzy.  It was like the first time he tried smoking a cigarette.  Austin wasn’t sure whether he felt this way because he was excited about the upcoming adventure or he was doing the wrong thing.
       What was God telling him?  Why couldn’t things be a little clearer when it came to life altering decisions.  Austin had to laugh as he contemplated looking out his window for such a sign.  Maybe the chicken place across the street would have a message on their sign for him.  It was more likely that they would have some goofy saying about life which usually rhymed and today’s special.
       As Austin plopped onto the couch with a scream of frustration, his roomate Carter entered the apartment.  Carter was about five and a half feet tall and always wore a ski cap even when it was a hundred degrees outside.
       Hearing Austin’s scream, Carter laughed. “Sit on the bad spring again, dude?”
       “Probably, but I’m so frustrated right now, that I wouldn’t even feel it.”  Austin put his hand on the couch and felt for the spring to the side of him, which he had barely missed.  Finally something to be thankful for.
       “Dude, what’s up?”
       “I can’t decide what to do.”
       “Is this about Bender?”
       “Yeah, I just don’t know that I’m ready to give this all up.  I’ve worked so hard to break in and now I’m just going to throw it all away.”  
       “Dude.”  Most of Carter’s sentences started with or contained the word, “Dude.”  “You can be a professor.  That’s so cool.  You get to give the tests, not take them.  Besides if it doesn’t work out you can always come back.  Pick up where you left off.
       Austin wished life were only that simple.  Or maybe it was and he was just making it complex.  No, it was complex.  Life was only simple for the simpleminded and while it may have included Carter, it definitely didn’t include Austin.
       “Dude, have you prayed about this?”
       Austin nodded, thinking, “Only a million times.”
       “And what has God told you?”
       “Arrrgghh!  That’s the problem.  I don’t know.  I don’t hear him.”
       “Well, I know he’s talking to you, so you must not be listening.”
       Austin nodded again and thought to himself, “Yep, simpleminded.”  If only it were that easy to hear what God was saying.  Of course Austin knew that God was speaking to him.  Austin knew that Carter was right.  If he didn’t hear God it was because he just didn’t like the answer.  What God was saying was scary and Austin had doubts that he was hearing God clearly.  How could he separate what God wanted and what he wanted?  How could he keep from putting words into God’s mouth?  He had to remind himself constantly that God was bigger than the problems he was facing.
       Carter laughed as he looked out the window.  “Dude, that’s unbelievable!  Did you look at the chicken sign?”
       Austin jumped to the window.  All he could think of was that God was going to make things real clear by using this sign.  Looking out the window, he read it and couldn’t believe it.
       Carter read the sign, “A bucket of chicken wings for $5.99.  I know what I’m having for dinner.”  Grabbing his wallet off the counter, Carter walked to the door.  “You want anything?”
       Austin was still staring out the window, oblivious to Carter.
       “Dude, you want any grub?”
       Without blinking or turning, Austin refused the offer.  As Carter let the door slam shut, Austin cracked a smile.  “God, you’re clever.  Forgive me for my lack of faith.”
       Austin watched as Carter crossed the street, looked up at the apartment window and pointed to the sign.  “Last chance!” Carter yelled before entering the dive.
       While he had hoped that God would write something on the sign, he knew that he wouldn’t.  Not that God couldn’t but why would he do it Austin’s way?  No, instead he used the sign to show Austin that he was holding on to tightly.  Austin realized that he had boxed God in to the little “Austin’s God Box”.
       Chicken wings for $5.99 meant nothing to Austin other than that it was probably a good deal until now.  Now it meant something to him that if he ever tried to explain it to someone it would never make sense.  It meant that he had to let go control of his life and truly let God take control.  As much as Austin felt like a cliche.  He knew it was true.  
       Austin opened his hands with his palms facing up.   “I’m letting go, God.  I trust you.”  Austin turned his hands over as if he were dumping all that he carried to the floor.  
       He had let go.
       Picking up the phone, Austin dialed.